Having recently undergone some abdominal surgery, I was quite naturally drawn in by the headline of this article that appeared in the online version of the Mail a few weeks ago:

How to stop yourself from being scarred for life after an operation

Just to be clear, it’s not that I’m particularly bothered about having a shiny new six inch scar across my bikini line. After all, I’ve had 4 children and a previous gall bladder op, all of which have left their mark, so it’s been a good few years since I felt the urge to actually don a bikini or parade around in a crop top with my belly exposed to all and sundry anyway. But I saw that headline and thought it might be worth reading on to see if the Mail had any decent tips on how to treat new scars, or to see if they had any advice to offer on how I could prevent myself being HIDEOUSLY DISFIGURED FOR LIFE!

So I clicked on the link.

And now I can’t decide if the Mail picture editors are completely fucking stupid, or if they’re simply painfully unaware of just how offensive they’re capable of being.


Because people with scars are obviously so HIDEOUSLY DISFIGURED FOR LIFE! that the Mail couldn’t even bring itself to illustrate the piece with an actual picture of one.

Oh no. Not for the Mail any pictures of real people with real scars. Real people with real scars are too scary and too HIDEOUSLY DISFIGURED FOR LIFE! for the Mail. So they chose instead the next best thing. They chose instead the image of a plastic doll. And not just any plastic doll I hasten to add. But Action fucking Man!

That’s right. Action Man! That would be Action Man, the child’s toy, who’s plastic, and who’s manufactured with a scar already on his face because  his makers, Hasbro, think it makes him look more macho and heroic. The toy who’s got a scar because facial scars apparently:

“give Action Man a certain ruggedness and bestow instant testosterone on movie heroes, and according to British psychologists, facial scars can also make men more attractive to the opposite sex.”

According to the Mail: “One in three scars becomes a permanent, often unsightly, fixture, retaining a hard, raised ridge of uncomfortable tissue.”

Well yes, I imagine that they do. Especially if you’re made out of plastic.

“Some can even continue to grow long after the healing process.”

Hmmm, not sure Action Man’s going to have much of a problem with that.

“In a world where smooth, youthful skin is highly valued, it’s perhaps hardly surprising that the psychological impact of scars can be deeply distressing, particularly those on the face, neck, chest, arm or hand.”

Oh I dunno, he looks okay on it to me. I mean, I know psychological trauma can be hard to spot on the outside, but he really doesn’t look too distressed. What do you think?

Scar face: The disfiguring effects of going under the knife can be lifelong

And yes, that really is the tagline the Mail used to accompany the picture. Scar face. Does their sensitivity know no bounds?

Well, how about this line from later on in the article:

“However, disfiguring scars following surgery could soon be as much part of the past as polio or rickets.”

Or even the bubonic plague or leprosy perhaps. Or something else equally hideous and revolting that’s so bad the sufferer should be forced to hide away in a cupboard and never be seen again. Something so gross in its awfulness the Mail can’t even print a picture of it for fear of scaring away its readership.

Still, all’s not lost for our intrepid plastic hero. The Mail has some final sterling advice to offer him:

“Ask your GP whether you are eligible for scar revision on the NHS, or to recommend a private plastic surgeon.”

Yes, what a genius idea. The plastic man with the plastic scar on his face should go and see a plastic surgeon to get that hideous plastic disfigurement of his sorted out.

I know I’ve probably asked this before, but seriously. Are the Daily Mail just taking the piss or what?