I realise I’m going to face stiff competition from Anton, Kevin, Doug and others, but I’ve got to be in with a chance at securing this much coveted position at the Daily Mail :

Daily Mail

•Britain’s most successful newspaper group is offering would-be reporters and writers an exciting and challenging yearlong training course, plus the chance to work at the Daily Mail and Mail Online

•We are looking for bright, sharp, intelligent writers who believe they can be fast-tracked to the very top

•You’ll be on the best journalism course in the business – and be paid a competitive salary while you train

•Successful applicants will probably have completed post-graduate journalism training or had experience working in newspapers

Apply by February 21, with your CV, 200 words on why you think you could be a Mail journalist, a 200-word news story and a selection of up to six cuttings and send to Sue Ryan, Trainee Reporters’ Scheme, Daily Mail, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry St, London W8 5TT.
Please send queries to sue.ryan@dailymail.co.uk

Especially with the stonking job app I’ve just put together:

Dear Sue

I’m writing in response to your recent Guardian advertisement offering would-be reporters and writers an exciting and challenging yearlong training course, plus the chance to work at the Daily Mail and Mail Online.

I’m not actually sure I qualify as a ‘would-be’ writer, being as I already have extensive experience of being published by the Guardian’s online Comment is Free site. However, I’m mindful that in my time at CiF I’ve picked up numerous bad habits – I always try to adhere to the Guardian’s style guide for writers for example – and I know I have much to gain as a writer and as a would-be reporter from having all that hand-wringing wishy-washy PC nonsense trained out of me.

Apart from the ability to string a coherent sentence or two together (which I realise is not an essential requirement for the Mail but one that will certainly stand me out from the crowd once in post), I have countless other talents that I’m sure will stand me in good stead at your respected organ: I am uniquely skilled in my ability to trawl for dirt on Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites; I have a large vocabulary of shortish descriptive words from which to draw, in particular when I want to express my disgust and outrage at ladettes, immigrants and lefties; and I am completely lacking in any common decency or humanity, especially when it comes to death, someone’s physical appearance, or people’s so-called ‘disabilities’ (you know and I know that that’s just a euphemism for people who just want to scam our benefits system – am I right or am I right?)

Finally, in common with the ‘writers’ and ‘journalists’ already in your employ, I’m basically prepared to do and say anything for money, even if that means me having to come across like a ranting right-wing xenophobe with no grasp of actual reality.

I look forward to a positive response from you



Please feel free to point out anything you think I might have missed, or better still write your own application and either post it in the comments or blog it and then link back. Have fun!