I found out a couple of days ago that I’ll be having my long-awaited hysterectomy next Tuesday, the 15th September. Actually that’s not entirely fair, because while it might feel like I’ve been waiting forever, my surgery has in fact been scheduled well within the 18 week waiting time limit. So yay for the NHS.

Anyway, some of you may remember the hysterectomy information leaflet I was given a while back that contained the staggering revelation that post-surgery I’ll be a much better housewife, and much more meticulous and committed to my household chores, than I’ve ever been before:

For the first week at home you should take plenty of rest but are able to make a cup of tea, do dusting and easy household jobs. Sit on a chair when possible to reduce standing. Gradually increase household jobs e.g cooking, ironing, and using a vacuum cleaner until by 6 weeks you are back to normal…

Well it turns out that that’s not all: apparently my craft skills are also set to improve!

This is from the information sheet I got yesterday about the ladies’ ward I’ll be staying on:

What to bring with you

We would suggest: –

  • Night clothes
  • Dressing gown
  • Slippers
  • Toiletries
  • Sanitary pads
  • Underwear – loose fitting to avoid pressure on your wound
  • Something to help you pass the time e.g. knitting, needlework, magazines, books

My first reaction on reading that was Bugger it! I can’t knit or sew, how the hell am I going to pass the time?

But now I’ve decided. I’m going to take in an Airfix Eurofighter Typhoon kit and assemble it on my hospital bed tray.

I bet that’ll bloody confuse ’em.