You can buy greetings cards now to celebrate a girl’s first period: it’s a nice idea, although I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s ever actually bought one. It’s certainly a step in the right direction from when I had my menarche at the grand old age of 11, and the only motherly advice I received was: “here’s a sanitary pad – ask your sister what to do with it. Oh, and there’s no need to mention this to your dad or your brother.” I just know I’m not the only one to have put that first pad in the wrong way round, and to have spent the whole of the first day in eye-watering agony as the few pubic hairs I’d managed to grow “down there” attached themselves to the sticky strip and were slowly tweaked out every time I tried to move. “Well this is great” I remember thinking: “And I always thought women walked funny because of their clip-cloppy shoes. Now I know.”
Despite vowing that I would be a lot more open about menstruation with my own three daughters, I still never got as far as celebrating their first periods. I sat them down and gave them “the talk” years before they ever had anything to worry about; I bought them books about girls and puberty just in case I’d missed anything out, and more importantly I demonstrated to them how to use a sanitary pad safely, so they wouldn’t end up accidentally giving themselves a full Brazilian wax. But I still never managed to summon up a “Congratulations, you’re a woman now” when the big day finally arrived. Instead, as each one came to me and told me in hushed tones that she’d “started,” I hugged her and said: “I’m sorry, it’s really horrible, and now you’re going to have to put up with it for years.”
Not the most motivational or uplifting thing to say I know. But then there’s nothing nice about periods, so why lie to them about it?
To say I’m conflicted about the whole menstruation issue would be an understatement. As a feminist I have no hesitation in arguing that it’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about, that the whole taboo surrounding women and their monthly bleeding is a complete nonsense, and that it’s about time we all started talking more openly about these things. But on the other hand I just really really hate having to have periods. It doesn’t matter how many books I read about the “goddess within”, or how many times I hear about the wonders of women’s connection with the moon and its tides; I don’t care if my menstrual cycle corresponds with nature’s rhythms or whatever the latest new-age gobbledegook on it is. I still don’t see it as a blessing or a gift that I have to put up with this icky inconvenience every month for the next goodness-knows how many more years, because it’s not a gift, for me it’s a curse.
I’m 43 years old, I’ve had four children, one abortion and I’ve been sterilised: hence I bleed a lot. I have to admit I hadn’t realised quite how heavily until a few months ago when I was able to work out almost to the last drop my total blood loss for a month, even though my best friend had been trying to tell me for ages that it wasn’t normal for a woman to have to organise her life around her periods. I was surprised to learn from her that most other women don’t spend hours calculating where they’ll be when their next period is due, or mulling over whether it’s a good idea to agree to attend a meeting that could go on for hours, and that would probably necessitate an overnight stay somewhere. But then I’ve had to take my menstrual cycle into account for years when making these kinds of decisions, especially when I know that the overnight stay will coincide with the night when my period is likely to be at its heaviest, and when no amount of sanitary protection is going to save the bedding from ruin. I’m fairly sure there’s more than one hotel-room attendant out there who, when cleaning up my vacated suite has pulled back the bedcovers in fear and trepidation, wondering where on earth I could have hidden the horse’s head.
Recently, after decades of using a combination of tampons and sanitary pads and being made to feel guilty by the eco-warriors about the impact my menses were having on the environment, I was finally persuaded to try a Mooncup, “the healthy and environmentally friendly alternative to tampons.” For those in the dark about this latest weapon in the fight to reduce the amount of household waste we Brits chuck into our overflowing landfill sites every year, the Mooncup is a reusable menstrual cup made from soft silicone rubber. You insert it into your vagina, and if all goes to plan it seals itself in, collects your menstrual fluid, “without leakage” according to the website, and all you have to do is pull it out by the stem that you’ve trimmed to fit beforehand, and rinse it out every now and then.
So uninhibited am I about my periods I even boasted about what I was doing on my Facebook profile: “Cath Elliott is test-driving a Mooncup.” I declared proudly to the handful of people who are vaguely interested in me: interested enough to wonder what I’m up to from time to time and who have thus added me as their “friend” that is, but probably not enough to want to find out in quite such intimate detail. Carol emailed me almost immediately saying: “I admire your bravery. It is things like that that mean I am so happy to have had a hysterectomy. A moon cup will only be a thing of academic interest rather than something to put into practice. Thank God!”
And it was downhill all the way from there.
Extracts from my diary entries for the week give a clue to the trial I put myself through for the sake of improving my environmental credentials:
“Within minutes I felt like I needed to pee again – it felt as though there was something pressing against my bladder.”
“Disaster struck and in the evening, after leaving it in for 3 hours, I sprang a leak.”
“I’m worried about how I’m going to cope overnight. I’ve settled for the Mooncup, 3 sanitary pads, and a bath towel underneath me.”
“I had trouble getting it out a couple of times today. It seems to have got itself too far up; I think I might have scratched myself internally poking about for it with my fingernails.”
“I can’t imagine how I would deal with this in a public toilet. When I do manage to get it out, my fingers are covered in blood and the Mooncup is both covered in and full of blood. I look like I’ve been working in an abattoir!”
Until finally, the unadulterated joy of:
“Hooray, the Mooncup was empty this morning, I’m on the home straight!”
Suffice to say I haven’t tried it again since, and nor do I intend to. I was just like one of those women on the ads when I went back to using tampons for my next period: I felt so unencumbered and carefree I could have gone roller skating and bungee jumping and still kept an inane grin on my face. If I wasn’t so old that is; and I didn’t have to worry about breaking my hips.
The one good thing about the Mooncup is that it has measurements printed down the side of it, so I was able to work out precisely how much blood I’d lost that week (well, apart from the blood that leaked continuously out of the cup, no matter how many times I tried to reposition the damned thing). Apparently during an average period a woman loses about 80ml of blood: I lost double that in the first three days. After worrying about this for a couple of weeks, I went to see my doctor: “You’re 43, you’ve had four children, one abortion, and you’ve been sterilised. Hence you bleed a lot.”
Well gee doc, thanks: it’s amazing what you can pick up from six plus years of medical training. Now tell me something I didn’t know.
So now I’m counting down the days to my menopause, even though that could be years away yet. I don’t know if you can get greetings cards to mark the rite of passage into older womanhood, but I do know I’ll be throwing the biggest party ever to celebrate it. Who knows, maybe by then I’ll be ready to embrace my inner goddess; but I won’t be holding my breath.
I too remember being unutterably depressed that this was going to happen ‘for the rest of my life’. But hey presto it didn’t. And I kind of miss it now I am no longer menstruating. I’ve never really had heavy/ painful periods, so I never really got the OMG it’s so terrible bit. And without wishing to stray into too much information territory, I don’t find menstrual blood disgusting. Mine or anyone else’s.
The ‘celebration card’ bit is probably a bit daft. And having periods isn’t proof you’re a woman really – maybe we should follow the Jewish example and have some kind of other ceremony in early adolescence.
(You do realise the searches you’re going to get for this?)
wow! i’m actually surprised that you worry that much when it comes to your monthly flow. I got a “congratulations” during my menarch and needless to say i turned bright red after hearing that. Worrying too much about your flow can actually affect your flow. The mooncup is sounds hard to use.
I loved the Mooncup but then I pulled my IUD with it and MOTHERFUCKER it was painful and traumatic.
I do understand the whole thing about not liking periods, but I have to say I have a bad case of hatred for Seasonale and other pills which stop periods alltogether. But then again I loathe to publicly hate it since so many women are so relieved to use it, know what I mean?
My mum got all tearful when I got my first period and literally ran down the stairs to tell my dad who promptly went down the road to get me some sanitary towels. Such was life growing up in a feminist household 🙂
I tried to try the Mooncup a few years ago but just could not get the hang of getting it in and out. More trouble than it’s worth for me, I think.
Yeah well, I got a bit mixed up with this whole 28 days malarkey – thinking that the ’28 days’ started after the last day of your period.
Mother enlightened me how like err ‘no the 28 days *includes* your period’
WHUT, OMG, NOO!
‘Okay’ says mam ‘don’t shoot the messenger.’
Also complete nonsense. It’s an average figure. Mooncups alway struck me as bleeding expensive – pardon the pun.
Yes they are expensive Polly, but I suppose for those lucky souls who do manage to use them without spillage, they probably cost a lot less over the long run than buying endless packets of tampons would.
Anyway, I’ve gone off the idea of the menopause now, after reading about how it turns you into a dried up, asexual old prune…..
Ah yes, the woman hating continues. Yer either fat, dried up, desperate for a man, or raising your child without an appropriate male role model, but you can’t win in the Grauniad.
eh, thank dawg for the menopause.
I had a shitty time menstruating, and couldn’t be rid of it quick enough.
The one really good thing about being post-meno, is that one does not have to plan trips around ‘the time’, and can be spontaneous. It really is a burden lifted.
I think there should be Happy Menopause! cards. Way better.
My mother told all my relatives the day I started my first period (age 11). I have pretty bad cramps, but that’s about it. I kinda like having my period, because it’s an excuse to be lazy and pig out. I have a Diva Cup and once I figured out how to get it to seal, it’s been wonderful! I don’t know if all menstrual cups are created equal, and I don’t know which ones are available to you in England, but years ago, I tried a different brand of cup (The Keeper), and I didn’t like it. I couldn’t get it to seal, it leaked all over the place, and it was uncomfortable. The Diva Cup is awesome.
By the way, I got here via polly’s.
I have a mooncup, and I love it, but I don’t have a very heavy flow (my problem is more that when my period is going to start has always been a fun guessing game, so I like not having to waste the disposable solutions on the days I thought I’d get it but didn’t. Plus it feels horrible to remove a tampon when there’s no blood. Just “Eurgh!”
I once got it twice in one month, 14 days apart- you know how they talk about women’s cycles syncing up? I’m the one who restarts.