Everything becomes whole

Posted on December 5, 2011 | 9 Comments

I was sent the link to this video a few weeks ago and, having watched it a few times now, I’m still undecided about it. I’m just not sure it works.

Here’s the text of the email I received introducing the artist and the video:

“I wanted to introduce you to the new video from Billboard-acclaimed singer/songwriter, Sarah Fimm, for the song “Everything Becomes Whole”.

The video was inspired by real-life accounts of violence against women; whose end result is a visually haunting and emotional short film. The video depicts a relationship that quickly turns from loving to abusive, with the male character overpowering and physically harming the female character. Sarah’s hope is to shine light on the issue, and create a call-to-action that inspires others to get involved with organizations determined to bring an end to the issue.

Currently, Sarah is working with both the International Justice Mission and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, to inspire viewers of the video to get involved and make a difference.”

And here’s the video: (Trigger warning)

Like I said, I’m not sure what I think about this: I’m not convinced it works, but then I also think the film’s probably a bit too arty for my tastes. The song’s growing on me though.

→ 9 Comments

Posted in 16 days of blogging, campaigning, crime, domestic violence, fear, feminism, misogyny, music, rape, violence against women

Petition UK government to sign convention

Posted on November 29, 2011 | 2 Comments

From the Council of Europe website:

“On 7 April 2011, the Committee of Ministers of the Council of Europe adopted of a landmark new Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence (Convention CETS No. 210).

This Convention is the first legally binding instrument in the world creating a comprehensive legal framework to prevent violence, to protect victims and to end with the impunity of perpetrators. It defines and criminalises various forms of violence against women (including forced marriage, female genital mutilation, stalking, physical and psychological violence and sexual violence).

It also foresees the establishment of an international group of independent experts to monitor its implementation at national level.

The Convention was opened for signature in Istanbul on 11 May 2011 and was signed by 13 countries.”

The convention (CAHVIO) has now been signed by 17 countries. But guess which country still hasn’t signed…..

Yep. The UK government has not signed the landmark new convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence.

Here’s a link to the convention – Council of Europe Convention on preventing and combating violence against women and domestic violence

And here’s the explanatory report – Explanatory report

Continue reading →

→ 2 Comments

Posted in 16 days of blogging, a bit of politics, campaigning, ConDems, crime, domestic violence, feminism, FFS!, gender, misogyny, rape, stalking, the cuts, trafficking, violence against women, what?

1in4women

Posted on November 28, 2011 | 5 Comments

The domestic violence charity Refuge has teamed up with cosmetics company Avon and launched a campaign they’re calling 1in4women. Here’s a link to the campaign site – 1in4women.com.

The campaign name is pretty much self explanatory: 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence at some point in her life. And let’s not forget the other chilling statistic: two women a week are killed by a current or former partner.

Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime, and it has a devastating impact, on both victims and on their children. According to the statistics on the Refuge site for instance, in 90% of domestic violence incidents, children were in the same or the next room when the violence took place, and in over 50% of known domestic violence cases, children were also directly abused.

Continue reading →

→ 5 Comments

Posted in 16 days of blogging, blogging, campaigning, children, domestic violence, fear, feminism, misogyny, violence against women

Drinking is not a crime. Rape is.

Posted on November 27, 2011 | 12 Comments

“Drinking is not a crime. Rape is.” is the tagline of the recently launched Christmas campaign from Rape Crisis England and Wales:

The poster goes on to say: “No matter how much she’s drunk… No matter what she’s wearing… No matter if you’ve already kissed…sex without consent is rape.“

According to Marketing News: “The posters, which first ran in Scotland, are being distributed by the 44 Rape Crisis centres across the UK into local communities, including shopping centres, sports centres and local libraries.”

It would be good to see them also going up in pubs and clubs.

The Rape Crisis National Freephone Helpline is open from 12-2.30pm & 7-9.30pm every day of the year: you can call them on 0808 802 9999

→ 12 Comments

Posted in 16 days of blogging, campaigning, crime, feminism, misogyny, rape, violence against women

“Consent is not always given by choice”

Posted on November 26, 2011 | 18 Comments

I received this email a few weeks ago. I’m publishing it here with full permission of the author:

“Hi,

I read with interest your blog on Rape and Marriage (well some of it anyway!).  I’d like to share part of my story with you if i may.

I am a born again Christian woman who has been married for 16 years.  I am due to separate from my husband at the end of the month. Throughout my marriage i have been coerced and guilted into having sex on a regular basis.

As a result, i was never really ‘in the mood’.  Unlike my husband, i didnt throw a sulk or resort to slaming Christian books down in front of him with titles like ‘More sex please we’re married’.  I didn’t spend 2 hours sitting in bed accusing him of being a rubbish husband, saying that we had a ‘sexless’ marriage (even though we had sex twice a month) and finish off by quoting verses from the Bible at him to make him feel so crap and such a rubbish Christian husband that he would get out of bed, don some nice underwear and then ‘perform’ just to be that good Christian husband.  I also didn’t have sex with him when he was ill or just after his children were born and he was completely knackered.  He has never had to ‘just lie there’ whilst i had sex with him.  He has never had to feel like his body is not his own and that he has little value other than that of an unpaid prostitute or sex object. He will never have had to face that awful moment of reality when the Counsellor says the ‘R’ word.  He will never have to experience the awful emptiness and numbness that i feel.  He will never have every shred of trust taken from him.  He will never have to try and rebuild his self confidence, his self esteem, his faith. He will never have to see his friends cry for him.

I lived under the illusion that my body was not my own in marriage for 16 years.  It took a straight talking Christian friend to put me right and i think its going to take a lot of counselling to get that ‘me’ back.

Thank you for your blog on this subject.  Its still a taboo i feel.  I have had friends who still think i should stay in this marriage and forgive him. If he was forcing me violently i’m sure they’d be telling me to run for the hills!  What’s the difference though?  Unwanted sex is unwanted whether you are forced to do it, coerced to do it or guilted to do it.  Consent is not always given by choice.  Submission is not saying you are happy to do it.

Rapidly becoming a born again Feminist,

With thanks”

For other posts on this issue see:

“Your husband has a right to expect regular sex“

More on husbands and their ‘entitlement’ to sex

Male reader writes an essay

Rape and marriage

The Rape Crisis National Freephone Helpline is open from 12-2.30pm & 7-9.30pm every day of the year: you can call them on 0808 802 9999

→ 18 Comments

Posted in 16 days of blogging, blogging, campaigning, crime, domestic violence, feminism, rape, violence against women